The parenting magic word that is changing me

I discovered Janet Lansbury website when someone shared a link on not putting your baby on tummy time. THAT was interesting. The rest was history, I devoured her posts about respectful parenting at a time when I was struggling to deal with toddler tantrums and a 5 year old’s defiance. Now there was one article that I read, loved it and forgot about it. I was still dealing with raw issues of my own impatience, anxiety, frustrations and crabbiness in my parenting life. 2 years later, I saw this article again and was more ready to slow down, be more peaceful, more aware of my emotions and tone with my kids.

That magic word? WAIT.

Can you wait? I mean we wait for a lot of things here. We wait for the bus, wait for our turn to buy that really delicious bak chor mee (肉脞面 or minced meat noodles), we wait for our turn at the clinic. There are a lot of things we have to wait around here. The thing is, being angry at the bus for not coming now, or shouting at the bak chor mee uncle to cook faster, or threatening the doctor to see his patients faster isn’t going to get you what you want or anywhere at all. It makes it worse!

So when it comes to our child, can we wait?

When it’s bath time and she is still drawing. I wait for her to finish a part of it, after I tell her it’s 5 minutes to bath time, and then that the 5 minutes is up. 

When she’s bathing and wants to use the shower to shower her hair on her own, shower my feet or adjust her hair sideways (like Elsa), I wait and enjoy watching her. (Note to self: always remember to give time for baths to avoid me rushing her to bathe in record time)

When I call them to come for breakfast, I wait for them to come (like count 30 under my breath) instead of expecting them to appear like lighting the moment I end my sentence.

I wait for the season when she is ready to write her 2s or 5s on her own, without me dotting the number for her to trace. It may take a week, a month or many months. I wait. Does it matter that she can write ALL her numbers at almost 4 years old, or even 5 or 6?

I wait for them to be ready to learn. Sometimes some learning or books need to be put on hold or shelved because they are just not ready for it. We struggled with writing 习字 (the Chinese version of copywriting) when she was 5  years old and it was creating too much strife between us. I expected her to follow the stroke order and she wanted herself to write perfectly but couldn’t. So we stopped writing Chinese for more than a year. We started again when she was 7 years old (a few months back) and it was so much easier. 

I wait for her to show signs to be ready to read. She is ‘reading’ to herself by telling the stories with the help of illustrations and memory of what we read to her. (it has been almost a year that she has been doing this). She is asking me how a word is read, even though the word is just “Hello Kitty”. Hopefully a little wiser now, I know better not to push the reading agenda till it’s very clear that she is ready. 

I wait for them to calm down from crying when they fall down or feel sad. I don’t try to hush them to stop or distract them to stop as soon as possible. In between, I hug, acknowledge that it hurts, or that they wanted something they couldn’t have. It usually lasts no more than one minute, really…if I count, because those few seconds listening to them cry can feel like forever. (Although inside me I’m feel like I want to shout out “please stop crying now!”) 

I try to wait for them to sort their conflict out, as long as they are not physically hurting each other. Sometimes that few seconds of listening and waiting can surprise me. They may sound like almost getting into a squabble and suddenly someone changes the mood by laughing or making leeway for the other and they are playing happily again. It takes a lot more self-control not to act on the impulse step in but to wait, observe and discern.

I wait for them to discover the toy instead of quipping in with my amazing suggestion on how to play better or build something different from what they had been doing again and again. (they surprise me, really!)

I wait for them to finish what they want to tell me, even though the message takes a while to come out in the midst of the thinking which can sound like stuttering (for my 3 year old) or when the message is really really long (for my 7 year old). This is hard when Emily’s telling me something that’s interesting….when she’s about to sleep. What’s with the long bedtime conversations that won’t happen elsewhere?

Waiting can be so so hard. It takes practice. I’m trying to practice it even though I lost it today. But I will try again tomorrow.

That practice of waiting teaches us to respect their feelings, to listen to them and really know them so much more. It helps me to plan ahead and relax especially when it is really not crucial.

Really, learning to wait is sometimes also learning to love, because
“Love is patient, love is kind….It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5

Our curriculum in 2015 – other subjects

The rest of the subjects are not quite the core or required “study” but it’s really what adds depth and interest to our lessons and learning. Last year I had used Ambleside Online’s guide for Year 1 as our guide. This year I used Wayfarers Ancient History as our guide. Most of our book selections for this term and possibly the year ahead come from Wayfarers. The books listed here are mainly books we are reading now or till we finish reading them. I believe there will be more books we will add on the way.

Here are the ‘other’ subjects we are exploring;

Science
– Plant Life in Field and Garden : honestly this book didn’t hit off with my girl. Somehow I sense that she has lost interest in plants or plant related things this season. We will probably go back to reading the Burgess Bird book as it was something she enjoyed but we stopped reading when we moved. I also got DK Eyewitness Plant but other than the really beautiful photos, the tiny words and details wasn’t as interesting for her as it is for me. We will come back to plants in another season I guess.
– Janice VanCleave’s Biology For Every Kid: 101 Experiments That Really Work : This is the fun one. We have done 4 experiments so far. However, I found the concepts are a little difficult to comprehend. Words like tugor pressure, osmosis, fibrovascular bundles…are quite foreign to me. This is definitely not the time to delve into the depth of the experiment but more of the pleasure of discovering how things work and how to carry out an experiment. Seeing the results of the experiment feels like magic. When we encounter something that brings out the concept of what we learnt, I will ask her..”do you remember when we did this experiment?”

Fluffy raisin experiment – osmosis of water into raisin. Stand Up Celery – How change in tugor pressure causes stem to wilt

– Nature walks. This is something I want to incorporate in a way that we used to do but the tropical weather is quite unforgiving in the mid-day when we are the most ready to go out. (Mornings are prime time for sit-down work and evenings are too rushed with dinner & bedtime routines). For now it is a run to the playground and observing nature. Learning to find interest points for conversations when we are out and about is what I am learning to do. For example, we have been talking about the colour of the bird’s feet….like which common Singapore bird has red feet and yellow feet (or socks as we like to call).

Geography
– A Child’s Introduction to the World: Geography, Cultures and People – from the Grand Canyon to the Great Wall of China. This is such a fun book to read! The book we bought came with a pop-out paper globe and stickers. It is recommended for ages 9-12…so we go really slowly on this one, say, 2 pages a week? Usually I read this in front of our world map so it is interesting to find the places being talked about on the map.

Talking about the core, mantle and crust using chocolate. A visual of what happens when the crust gets pushed or pulled away. And a yummy demonstration too.

– Paddle-to-the-Sea We did 10 chapters last year. (one chapter is only one page) And I really want to pick it up again this year but at this point of time I don’t know when we will have time to slot this book in with some activities. We did a lap book last year and our biggest take from this book was learning about beavers.
– Twenty-One Balloons. Almost finishing this book about hot-air balloons, Krakatoa, inventions, countries.

History
– A Child’s History of the World. Reading a chapter and having her illustrate the chapter. Occasionally we will watch a video or find a photo so that we can better visualise what the author is writing about. These few weeks ,we have stopped reading it to draw timelines so that when we do an actual history timeline, she’ll have a better sense of it.

Composer Study
– Just listening to music by famous composers. For the past 2 weeks we have been listening to Johann Pachelbel over breakfast, and the girls always wanting to break into dance listening to Canon in D.

Art
– Little Annie’s Art Book of Etiquette. This is one book we can do together with Emily which is fun because they get to draw, laugh, talk together. This was a book I bought when I first started homeschooling and we didn’t continue after a few pages because it just didn’t work for us. (I can’t remember why at this point of time!)

– ArtVenture. I just get her to choose a drawing she wants and we talk a little about what we are drawing. I should use this more before my subscription expires. It is a step-by-step how to draw video art lesson that she enjoy. I like it that and it helps her learn to draw birds and whales so she isn’t so afraid to draw other things from her usual princess/castle/house etc.  After that the girls will go on painting and painting till they are tired of doing so.

Sounds like a LOT! But really we do each of these only once a week or none at all. I love that the variety of subjects that we do, coincidentally relate to one another. Two books we read about talked about people in ancient times believing that the earth was flat. It’s like a ‘revision’ where I will go, “Hey, didn’t we read about that in the other book?”

We don’t always enjoy ALL these, and sometimes the read-alouds get too lengthy for us. I say us because I read it all. Audio books just doesn’t work for us, including me. Eliza will tell me that the person reads too fast or the volume is too low even when my iPad volume is at the maximum.

This is where flexibility comes in. We don’t do that book too often, or we stop for a season and pick it up again when she is more interested or ready to understand. Learning to slow down, speed up or press on with the book is  something to evaluate from time to time. Not always the easiest to do when I like it but she doesn’t. Someone said something really wise, which is to teach the child and not the curriculum. 

So there! This is our extras in the form of books. There’s also a lot of free time after all these that usually ends at 2pm. No work is usually done after this time other than play, her own reading or going out. It’s also my break time! 😀

Week 1 of the year

The going back to the school routine after the play-all-day holidays is one of the most challenging time of the year. It is usually met with resistance of some sort. Not that we don’t experience it somewhere in between the school term but the intensity is doubled somehow. I did prepare Eliza for what is to come. However, I’m not sure she is aware of it till reality hits!

First day of homeschool started on a Friday and it always starts with filling in our calendar. I used this calendar format since 2014. Last year I somehow had time to add her favourite Octonaut characters in it. This year, I have left them to do their own decorating with their abundance of stickers and my washi tape. Love that it indicates when the day of the month starts! Small details but really helpful for me. Emily is using that to practice her number writing, with some help from me to dot the numbers for her to trace.

The work we do isn’t like fun 100% of the time. There are interesting things we do but there is also the real work of learning math concepts, learning or improving on a skill like narration, memory work, repetition and practice. It is not all easy going and simple. I am learning too. I am learning how to respond when she can’t seem to understand some things and I get frustrated. I am learning how to be more encouraging. I am learning how to manage two kids in particular when I need to sit down to work with Eliza and Emily doesn’t want to do what I have given her to play.

I am enjoying our afternoon outdoors, even when it’s raining. The girls definitely do. After a whole morning at home, the running and jumping outdoors in the open space is refreshing. They really wouldn’t mind being home to play or read. However, I really believe that being outdoors, even in a very urbanized space has a positive impact on them (and me!). Research also shows that more time spent outdoors reduces the chance of myopia.

Meanwhile we are doing a lot more this year. There is more time to be spent on Chinese this year because we are catching up on the Primary 1 syllabus we did not do last year. (gasp!) This week we started listening to 3 chapters from the bible every morning. We are enjoying our devotional book, Leading Little Ones to God. We read geography, history and science books. We did experiments. I started teaching Emily to read Chinese in a more systematic manner using books from Sage Foundation. We went to the library as usual. We didn’t finish what I planned on the timetable and I tell myself that’s ok. We met up with homeschool friends to make stuff for the homeschool fair. We struggled with math. I got upset over her lack of attention. We hugged and kissed and enjoyed each other’s company. There! Our first week in a nutshell.

Oh but beneath all the things we did, there was a struggle to do it well. Doing it well, not in a sense of perfection, but the attitude in approaching our work, whether it’s enjoyable work or not.
Attitude matters. It helps a lot that she has set her heart on being ready in the mornings for sit-down work and that free play is only for after lunch. If that does not not happen, I will find her easily distracted and inattentive. We have days like that. It makes a big difference when she is willing to tackle her math or read her Chinese reader that she finds the most challenging, or even the listening closely to the chapter stories we are reading. We also have days like that.

If you have read the principles Charlotte Mason write, there’s one of it where she talks about “The Way of the Will”. In summary I quote from here:
“Children must learn the difference between “I want” and “I will.” They must learn to distract their thoughts when tempted to do what they may want but know is not right, and think of something else, or do something else, interesting enough to occupy their mind. After a short diversion, their mind will be refreshed and able to will with renewed strength.” 

It’s beyond putting hard work into what we are doing. It’s also doing the difficult when we can do the easy way out. It’s choosing what is right from what is easy.
We are working on that, I’m sure.

” Our wills are ours we know not how;
Our wills are ours to make them Thine.”
Tennyson, In Memorium

Our curriculum in 2015 – Core subjects

What are we reading and working on this year? I loosely follow Charlotte Mason principles and it is also part of my learning to read up more on how to apply it. If you are new to Charlotte Mason you can find out about Charlotte Mason methods and who she is in the links or search the  SimplyCharlotteMason website.

I mix and match our curriculum to work for us in the season we are in. Sometimes we add a unit study out of the blue just because she is interested and I had time to prepare. I have also tried a curriculum or book and ditched it for something else because it didn’t work for us. Meanwhile this list is what I have planned out for the year. There will be changes along the way when we will add a book or two and change our schedule but at least this is the plan! I find that making detailed plans helps me to keep on track and allows me to add more interesting things to do along the way.

I will elaborate on our core subjects in this post and on other subjects in another post. Doing life as a homeschool family is another ‘subject’ on its own as they are not quite ‘school’ subjects but deserve a post too.

Language Arts
English Language through Literature (ELTL) 
This is our core for Language Arts or English. It covers copywriting, grammar, literature, narration, poetry and art. I love the pick and go nature of ELTL which means that I don’t need to do extensive preparation. I did, however, print out the copywriting from the handwriting section of Worksheetworks.com at the beginning of the level.
Time spent: 3 – 4 times a week, 30 minutes over morning tea + 5 minutes for copywriting.

Reading and Spelling
Reading Language through Literature (RLTL)

We started this when Eliza has already learnt how to read. I tried out some programs and eventually used ReadingEggs as her main reading program. The rest of the reading learning was practice, practice and practice. Usually that will be during her bedtime reading or just asking her to read to me at anytime of the day. I started her on RLTL mainly to learn to spell. RLTL is actually an Orton reading program that teaches reading through spelling. We took slightly more than half a year to finish level 1 and are now halfway through level 2. We might add on a more specific spelling program later on.
Time spent: 30mins 3-4 times a week.

Math
MEP Math and My Pals Are Here (Singapore Math)
We started out with MEP math last year mainly because it was free and available online. I could not get hold of the Singapore Math books as it was just too expensive to buy and ship it to Canberra then. We struggled with MEP math a few weeks into it and many practices were beyond Eliza. (Imagine tears and sighs.) Still we pulled through it and was able to understand the concepts better. When we moved back to Singapore we managed to get hold of My Pals Are Here and sped through the books 1A and half of 1B in half a year.
This year our plan is to finish off My Pals Are Here for the rest of 1B, 2A and 2B. We are also adding on MEP math once or twice a week if we are not doing My Pals Are Here work and some math games.
Time spent: 30 minutes daily

Chinese
Sage Basic Chinese 500 series. Singapore Chinese Textbooks. Two assessment books.
We are using Sage Basic Chinese 500 series and are at Level 2 or budding reader stage. She’s still not a fluent reader and resistant to speaking in mandarin. So this year it’s what we will be working on. Daddy is also reading a Chinese book to her during bedtime, just because he’s much better at the language than me. Working on writing, spelling and speaking more.
Time spent: 30 minutes on bookwork daily.

We have worked on having these lessons short and 30 minutes is just enough before we move on to the next subject. Sometimes she decides she wants to do more. Sometimes we get stuck on the subject too long and I will have to stop her from finishing the specific work to finish the next day when her mind and attitude is better.

Anyway, I had a hard time finding photos of her doing these work. Mainly because it’s bookwork and one-to-one instruction from me so I had no time to think of taking photos. Plus I won’t be able to take photos of myself reading! Except moments when I am reading, they will interrupt me for a photo like this:
Yeah. Making some art?
Mummy has restricted them to two photos per morning tea session.

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Hello hello. This is the first of my 2015 post. After many half-baked attempts, hopefully I can persevere to put in my thoughts, glimpse of our daily life, our favourite moments and reflections on our homeschooling journey here in Singapore. My goal over here in this blog is to post at least a weekly summary of our week.

Meanwhile, school for us is starting tomorrow! Just like other kids, it’s the first day of school! For us we will do much lesser than our usual day just to get a sense of the actual schedule before we start next week. I felt as if we have taken a very long break and I can’t wait to get back to our ‘schooling’ routine again. I’m not too sure about Eliza but we have prepared her ahead of time and went through the books we will be reading and doing. Hopefully getting back to our schooling routine won’t be too much of a struggle!

And what’s a new year without resolutions? I’m terrible at making any so I usually don’t make any. But this year I will go with one word. So it shouldn’t be too hard to remember, isn’t it?

My one word is : STILL

Which reminds me of this verse from Psalm 46:10
“He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

After moving back to Singapore, it has taken me about half a year to be more settled and ready for a fresh start. It has been physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually difficult for me. Being still to reflect on the greatness of my God each day is a challenge. I know that my strength will come from seeking my God and too many times I have not sought him. I know my peace will come from Him. So when everything around me is in a mess, I want to still be able to find that stillness, peace, relief in hiding in the shadow of His wings. Let me start with that, being still.

Join me in my journey. 🙂

May you have a beautiful 2015!